I’ve already discussed this a few other places. The latest of those mentions was a comment on this post at Dust In The Light.
Most opponents of homosexual marriage say that they want to protect the sanctity of marriage. While I understand their reasoning, I have to wonder what rock these people have been living under for the last decade or two (or more?).
Britney Spears’ marriage may have been the Shortest Celebrity Marriage, but many of the other celebrity marriages on that page seem to bely the “sanctity” of the institution. John Kerry attempted to have an 18-year marriage that resulted in two daughters annulled. Broadcaster Larry King has been married seven times (though, two of those were to the same woman).
My question to those homosexual couples who want to get married is this: Why do you even care? Our society is doing everything it can to make marriage a completely meaningless institution, less binding than a rental car reservation.
I want to define marriage as a binding lifetime union between a man and a woman. Homosexual marriage proponents want to scratch out the “a man and a woman” part and pencil in “a couple in love.” The actual definition in society today would more accurately be “a temporary, slightly binding pairing of a man and a woman which obtains them certain legal rights until they choose to dissolve the union.”
Here’s the deal: I’ll stand up in support of homosexual secular marriages (by which I mean you can’t force the church to recognize such unions, but the government treats them the same as a heterosexual marriage), but in exchange, liberals have to stand with me in seeking MUCH stronger divorce laws.
I want “’til death do us part” to mean “’til death do us part.” Maybe I’m deluding myself to believe that it ever really meant that, and maybe there’s no way we can make our society see marriage that way again. As long as the institution is something that people can enter into and retreat from without any real consequences whatsoever, it seems pointless to me to try to change the “legal” definition at all.
Here’s what I propose: Churches don’t have to recognize secular marriages. Whether a church recognizes a couple as married or not is up to the standards of that church’s religion, and the government stays out of the business of the church. This means that no priest/pastor/rabbi/whatever can be forced to marry a couple if his or her beliefs make him believe that the union is sinful. (I’m told this is actually the case now.)
Secular marriage is a lifetime union, a binding contract between two individuals and the state. I would want divorce laws to be exremely strong, enough so that divorces would (largely) be restricted to those cases where one spouse or the other is guilty of some major wrongdoing (adultery, domestic abuse, etc.). While no-fault divorces may still exist, they would have to come with some serious consequences.
This may very well mean that fewer people ever get married. We would probably want any marriage to be preceded by at least a couple of sessions with a marriage counselor who would try to get the couple to understand the true forever nature of a marriage.
A slightly “lesser” version of marriage would be the civil union, which would be available to couples of any gender combination when they felt that they weren’t up to the “lifetime” commitment just yet. The way it’s working in my mind, these would have all the legal advantages of a marriage, without the protection of not being forced to testify against your spouse or immigration benefits (in other words, no green card unless you’re married, and since it’s nigh-impossible to get a divorce, you get the protection against “cheating” the immigration system).
I think that a lot of very religious people are looking at this the wrong way. Our insistence that homosexual relationships are sinful and therefore homosexual marriage can’t be tolerated doesn’t protect marriage — marriage is already falling apart. It’s not convincing people not to be homosexual — they don’t really care that much what we say. There’s a very real opportunity here to gain some allies who obviously think marriage means something (most of the legal advantages can be obtained other ways, though it’s admittedly not as simple to get them by other means), and I think that we should reach out to them to try to shore up the institution of marriage before it completely falls apart around our ears.