The Laws of Female Attractiveness
By popular demand*, here are the (first**) Three Laws, along with some brief discussion of each.
The First Law of Female Attractiveness: It is impossible for any woman to be more attractive without her glasses. It may, in rare circumstances, be possible for a woman to be equally attractive with or without her glasses. This must be assessed on a case-by-case basis.
I’m sure that part of this is related to the fact that I like smart women and that our society has caused me to believe the stereotype that glasses imply intelligence. There’s also the fact that, from a purely aesthetic point of view, I’m drawn to a woman’s face, particularly her eyes, and I like the way glasses frame the eyes, so the intelligence thing isn’t all that motivates the first law.
The Second Law of Female Attractiveness: The harder it seems that a woman tries to be attractive, the less attractive she will actually be.
Obviously, this law only really applies to obvious attempts at being attractive. Lots of makeup, not enough clothing, breast implants — I know that a lot of men are attracted to these things, but they just seem silly to me. It’s not the women who try to get men’s attention who are attractive; it’s the women who’ve found a look that they’re comfortable with. I suspect this has something to do with the confidence that comes from being comfortable with their look, but I can’t be certain.
The second law also applies to attitude as well. Strippers and porn stars are actively trying to be sexy, and as a general rule, both fail miserably (for me — obviously, there’s some appeal for other men, or there’d be no Strip clubs or porn industry). There has never been a single porn star who managed to be half as attractive as Jewel Staite’s Kaylee on Firefly or Amy Acker’s Fred on Angel.
The Third Law of Female Attractiveness: With the exception of hair and fingernails (both of which are essentially dead anyway), purposefully damaging your body (e.g., tattoos, piercings, tans, various cosmetic surgeries) isn’t attractive.
The “Zeroeth” Law of Female Attractiveness: A woman with intelligence, cute-quirky personality traits (as opposed to insane-quirky ones), a nice streak of geekiness, and an open mind will always be attractive. This law trumps all three of the more physical laws.
* By “popular demand,” I mean that, after I presented the first of these laws on the “You Can Say Anything” group, one person said he’d like to see the rest of the laws. That constitutes popular demand in my book, and if you don’t like it, go read something else***. Geez.
** Okay, these are all the laws, but I’m reserving the right to add more as they reveal themselves to me.
*** Actually, don’t. I get few enough readers as it is.