I get news headlines sent to my cell phone as SMS messages. Today, at about 11:30, I received the following headline: “‘Desperate Housewives’ ends first season.”

I was floored. I thought Desperate Housewives was going to be like a Soap Opera, with a new episode every time it aired, but apparently, I was wrong.

As a service to whoever decides what headlines should come to my cell phone, I’ve a few suggestions to make:

“Lunch hour ended at 1:00pm.”
“Earth continues to complete one rotation per day.”

As you might expect, the story of a 2-year-old killed by a pit bull is getting a lot of attention locally:

HUNTINGTON, W.Va. (AP) — The dog, a pit bull named Brutus, was wild-eyed when the firefighters walked into the house. They watched it — the hair on its neck standing on end — ram the door like a bull.

Inside, Jason Price and his co-workers found a toddler mauled by the animal that had bitten a neighbor earlier this month. Before they could get to the girl, though, they had to subdue the animal. It took a fire extinguisher to do the job.

There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that having this dog put down is the correct course of action. It had chased down and killed two other dogs last year. It was in the house because it was under quarantine for attacking someone last week. In fact, I would’ve readily defended anyone who wanted to put the dog down after it attacked the other dogs last year, to say nothing of attacking a person last week.

What bothers me is that people seem to be blaming the dog owner for this attack. The dog was, undeniably, dangerously aggressive, but he was in the owner’s house. According to the news report linked above, the owner had warned people to stay out of the house:

“The girl, her mother and at least two other people were apparently hanging out on the house’s porch,” Sgt. Dan Underwood said. “The homeowner apparently told them all to stay out of the house where the dog was.”

The former mayor of Huntington was on the radio just a few minutes ago, complaining that they needed stronger laws, laws that would require that dogs that are members of breeds known to be dangerous be confined by a fence anytime they’re outside without a leash.

Even ignoring the fact that the news article says that the law already requires pit bulls, Rottweilers, and wolf-dog hybrids to be muzzled when they’re outside, how does the law that the former mayor discussed help in a situation where the dangerous dog is already in the owner’s house, with signs warning about the dangerous dog and a warning from the homeowner not to go in?

According to a prosecuting attorney who was just on the radio, the man in question could face criminal charges of child neglect resulting in death. While I’m sure his understanding of the law is better than mine, that just doesn’t seem right. Charge him in response to the last attack? Sure. Charge him with the property damage because the dog had killed other dogs? Absolutely. Charge him because his dog, in his house, with plenty of notification to the mother, attacked a kid? I can’t quite support that.

When I heard about this attack, my first thought was to wonder where the attack took place. When I learned that it was within the owner’s house, I wondered what the kid was doing there, and where the mother was. (Rumors are swirling that there was significant drug activity in the house, but that’s not been confirmed, to my knowledge.)

Given the facts as I know them right now, all the fault seems to lie on the little girl’s mother.

I guess the summer movie season is upon us. I’ve been hearing rumors about some movie called Revenge of the Six or something like that. It’s apparently about a rebellion in space. I guess it has a few fans, or something. I don’t know. Personally, the only space movie I’m really interested in this year is Serenity.

Anyway, with the summer movies here, I thought I should share my Ten Commandments of Movie Watching.

I. Be quiet.

Don’t talk. I’ve heard that human beings are compulsive communicators, and I believe it, but try to keep your mouth shut for the two hours or so that the movie is playing. If absolutely, positively cannot do this, a very quiet whisper to the friend next to you is okay, unless another patron complains. If they do, no matter how quiet you were, just let the comments wait until later.

Shepherd Book (of Firefly) once said that there was a special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theater. Granted, he was a fictional preacher from a fictional future religion, but is that little quip you want to share really worth the risk that he was right?

Reacting to the movie (laughing, cheering, and clapping at appropriate moments) is okay, but don’t overdo it..

II. Be on time (that is, 30 minutes before the previews start).

If the paper says the movie starts at 12:00, aim to be there at least half an hour early, or be prepared to have your party split up. It may not happen, if the theater’s not crowded, but if it does, it’s your own fault, so don’t bother the people who were there earlier. Sure, it looks like there’s a free seat on the other side of them, and they could just scoot down, but if they’d wanted that seat, they would’ve taken it when they sat there. If they volunteer to move for you, fine. Don’t ask them.

Also, I know that movie theaters show trailers before movies, so the showtime given isn’t really when the movie starts. Some people who paid to be in that theater enjoy the trailers, though. Be in your seat when the first trailer starts showing.

If you cause your party to be late, apologize profusely and offer to pay for the movie… and dinner afterward. If you do this more than a couple times, you may want to think about buying a watch. If that doesn’t work, don’t bring further shame to yourself and your friends. Consider seppuku.

III. Try not to get up during the movie.

I know that sometimes, this can’t be avoided, but you should make a stop in the restrooms before the movie begins and go light on the soda during the early part of the movie. It’s not an unforgivable sin, as most of the other rules are, but it’s fairly annoying, so you should endeavor to be there for the whole movie. (Besides, it’s not like you can pause it, and when you get up, you might miss important plot points.)

IV. Turn off your cell-phone’s ringer.

The movie theater will urge you to turn the phone off entirely, but I’m willing to be a bit less strict. If you can’t possibly afford to be entirely unreachable for a few hours, but you’re reasonably certain that you’re not going to be needed, leave the phone on vibrate. If you get a call, get up and leave the theater before answering (or, if necessary, returning the call).

If you use your cell phone in the theater (even before the movie starts), other patrons are perfectly justified in taking drastic measures. These could range from dumping popcorn on your head to shoving your cell phone into a bodily orifice, depending on the other patron who gets to you first. Don’t risk it. Step outside before using the phone.

V. Respect the geeks.

If a movie has an obvious appeal to an obsessive fan base, and you’re not part of that fan base, don’t go to the movie on opening weekend (and definitely, under no circumstances, should you go to a midnight showing). If you must go on opening weekend, then keep your mouth shut in the theater, for Pete’s sake.

I will be the first to admit that I hate crowded movie theaters, and yet, my favorite movie experience was only as fun as it was because it was crowded. The midnight showing of X-Men 2 was absolutely fantastic, because of the reactions of the people around us, who were obviously invested in these characters.

Compare that to my viewing of the second Matrix movie, where I was forced to sit in front of a guy who had no clue what was going on and made sure everyone in the immediate vicinity knew it.

I know how the average person feels about geeks and geek movies. I understand that these movies might have appeal to non-fans, but if you go to an opening weekend showing of a movie that has a huge geek following, you’re ruining it not only for them, but for yourself as well.

As a corollary to this rule for people who are members of the fanbase, don’t drag non-fans to a cult movie. If you have friends who genuinely don’t seem to mind going with you, they’re fine — their respect for you will keep them from being too obnoxious. If you ask your friends and they resist, don’t bring them. They’ll already be annoyed about seeing a movie they don’t want to see, and will usually end up being a nuisance to you and everyone else. Leave them at home, and if you absolutely want them to see the movie in theaters, come back and see it with them later. You know you’re going to see it more than once anyway.

VI. Suspend your disbelief.

Almost invariably, someone in the movie will do something that is impossible (or highly improbable) in the real world. Don’t get too worked up over this — movies are works of fiction. When you watch a movie, you’re entering into an unspoken agreement with the filmmakers. Your part of this agreement is that you will accept that their world isn’t the real world.

If you can’t suspend your disbelief, that doesn’t mean you can’t come to the movie. You might notice a common theme here: if you can’t possibly accept these deviations from the “real world”, at least respect the people around you and be quiet about it until after the movie.

The exception to this is if the movie is internally inconsistent. If the movie has spent a good deal of time building up the fact that something is impossible, and, at the climax, someone does that something without a very, very good explanation of why it’s no longer impossible, the filmmakers have violated their end of the agreement. In this case, a short protest is allowable, but only a short one. A maximum length of three words (“What the heck?!”) is appropriate.

VII. Don’t sit near other people until you don’t have a choice.

Theaters are fairly big places. The first few people there usually have their choice of seats. There’s practically no reason for you to sit near anyone else if you’re one of the first people in.

Think of the puzzle where you’re supposed to place a certain number of checkers on a board without having any two being in a row or column (or a diagonal line?) with any others. Unless the theater is seating people (which only happens if there’s a huge crowd expected) or it’s already pretty crowded, your seating philosophy should be like those checkers — don’t sit directly in front of someone else, or in the same row, unless there are no free columns or rows.

Corollary: If you’re tall, don’t sit in front of someone who’s already sitting down. Even in stadium seating, this is rude. Try sitting near the back.

Exception: If you are a cute, single girl around my age, and you see me in the theater, feel free to sit by me. If my friends are already sitting there, don’t worry — I’ll make them move.

VIII. Don’t talk about the movie on your way out.

General comments, like “What’d you think?” and “It was alright,” are fine. Don’t get into major criticisms of exactly what the film maker could’ve done better in the climactic scene until you’re in your car. Other people coming into the theater are waiting to see that movie you just left, and some people don’t like spoilers. Be polite.

IX. Don’t leave trash in the theater when you leave.

The trash cans in theaters are typically placed very conveniently. It’s not that big a hassle to pick up after yourself, and every time you leave a drink behind, there’s a chance that it’ll be knocked over by the cleaning crew, making the floor sticky for other movie viewers. We’re supposed to be civilized. Act like it.

X. Don’t bring babies to the movies.

I know that you hate to leave them at home, but if you can’t go to the movies without your baby, don’t go to the movies. Best case scenario is that the baby sleeps through the movie; it’s not like the baby gets anything out of that.

Also, you may want to consider whether a movie is age appropriate or not before bringing your kids. An R-rated movie isn’t the place for your six-year-old son. You want him to watch that stuff, let him watch it at home, rather than letting him disturb other theater patrons.

Michele is talking about the Console Wars that will be starting at the end of this year and continue at least through next year (about a year after each console comes out, I consider the “war” over, mostly, and we get to settle down to just enjoy some games).

Here are the parties involved in the war:

Microsoft has the creatively named X-box 360.
Sony comes up with a slightly less creative name for its Playstation 3.
Nintendo enters with the Revolution.

It is, of course, a little early to really make any predictions on who’ll win the war, so I’ll just share my own history as a console gamer and my thoughts on the upcoming war.

I remember having an Atari 2600 when I was very young, but when I think of being a console gamer, the first console that comes to mind is, of course, the Nintendo. My first real exposure to the Nintendo was Super Mario Brothers 2, which I remember thinking was very, very strange. It was some time after that when we finally got a Nintendo in our house.

I remember Final Fantasy, and I have a vague awareness that I liked video games, but it was the Super Nintendo that finally locked in my video game addiction. The Super Nintendo, and Final Fantasy 2 (4, in Japan). I played FF2 nonstop for weeks, stopping only when I got to the final boss and couldn’t beat him. New Year’s Eve came, and I took my copy of FF2 to a friend’s house for our annual get-together. I fell asleep, and they proceeded to beat the game without me.

I kept that cartridge for years, until it was stolen by a friend’s housemate and sold (along with several other games that I loved) to a used game store downtown. Until that point, my original save game (with a play-time approaching 100 hours, as I’d occasionally play around with it and look for places I’d not found the first time around) had remained on the cartridge.

I remember the Sega Genesis coming out, and I remember how many of my friends thought it was the ultimate gaming machine. I remember scoffing at it, and being rather pleased when Nintendo won that first major Console War fairly easily.

I can’t remember knowing much about the Playstation until I actually saw one in college. I didn’t think much of it, honestly. I bought the Nintendo 64 because it was Nintendo, and Nintendo had symbolized gaming for me for years. I bought the Playstation only because of Square’s jump to that platform for its Final Fantasy games.

This is the war I never understood. The N64 had better games, better graphics, and a better controller (until the Playstation got analog sticks, anyway). The Playstation had… well, I still haven’t figured that out. There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to have prefered the Playstation, as far as I can tell, and yet they did. (Two reasons why the Nintendo 64 beats the Playstation hands down: GoldenEye and Perfect Dark.)

A few years later, the X-box, Playstation 2, and GameCube went head to head… in theory. In my mind, the actual competition was between the X-box and the Playstation 2. To me, the GameCube represents the same position in the gaming market that Apple does in the PC market. Nintendo makes wonderful games, but their appeal isn’t as mainstream as they deserve to be. The GameCube games have a reputation for being “kiddy”, but any gamer who plays only “mature” games because he fears being considered a kid shouldn’t be playing mature games to begin with. GameCube games are fun, and that’s enough for me.

The X-box, this time, holds the Nintendo 64′s position in the last war. It’s the better system. The X-box exclusive titles are unbelievably fun, more so than anything I’ve played on the Playstation 2. The games that are on both systems look better on the X-box. Despite this, the Playstation 2 seems to hold a bigger portion of the market for reasons I don’t understand.

That brings us to this coming war. I predict that Sony will do better than they have any right to. Nintendo will make a small comeback if they manage to separate themselves from the “kiddy” image they have, but that may alienate some of their core base if they lose the focus on fun that they’ve had for years. Microsoft will come out at least as well as Sony, if they can remember to focus on games and not the “media center” stuff that they seem obsessed with.

I’m definitely buying an X-box 360 (Perfect Dark Zero!). I’ll almost certainly get a Revolution, because of brand loyalty (loyalty that the Nintendo team has earned time and time again). If I have the money to blow, I might buy a Playstation 3, since my current PS2 paperweight would look outdated sitting beside the newer systems.

Since you all know the story, here’s the short version:

Newsweek publishes a story — a false story, no less — about a Koran being desecrated in an attempt to rattle some prisoners. This causes an uprising. People are killed. People blame Newsweek.

I’m sorry… what?!

If Christians had rioted and killed nine people over, say, this, the news media would (quite rightly, I might add) be blaming those who rioted. Why the hell can’t they hold Muslims responsible for their actions in the same way? Actually, it’s funny how the news media and liberals claim that it’s the Conservatives who have no respect for Arabs and Muslims, yet it’s the news media and liberals who act as though these people aren’t responsible for their own actions. You know what we call people who aren’t responsible for their own actions? Children. It’s time for the media to stop being so condescending to every minority racial and ethnic group.

Especially in the aftermath of the 60 Minutes “Memo-gate” scandal, Newsweek should absolutely be raked over the coals for publishing a story without doing everything in its power to confirm whether it was true. That doesn’t make them responsible for these deaths.