…for a Klondike bar?

No, wait. That’s not what I wanted to ask.

Though I only rarely play the lottery, I can’t help considering what I’d do with the money if I’d win… especially when the jackpot gets up past the $200 million mark.

I’m not talking about giving money to charity or any of that stuff that we all like to believe we’d really do if we suddenly came into a whole lot of money. I’m talking about the selfish stuff.

For example, I’d start my own “ideal” movie theater. I’d have only a couple of screens (showing only the movies I deemed interesting), but they’d be large theaters, even including a couple of balconies. Seats would be large and comfortable. Instead of one long row of seats with an aisle up either side, I’d want several aisles, placing no more than five or six seats together. Each seat would have to have two armrests (so no one is forced to share with their neighbor). Concessions would be reasonably priced, and good.

The idea is to provide a wonderful movie-going experience to those who truly want to enjoy a nice movie experience. Of course, having a nice theater would only be part of the equation. The other part would be that customers are expected to obey rules.

I’d have ushers, who would be well-paid and actively encouraged to throw out anyone caught talking during the movie (or whose cell phone rings aloud). Anyone who buys a ticket less than ten minutes before the movie or its trailers begin will pay $10 extra, and will be escorted to their seat by an usher, who will see to it that they get into a seat that minimizes their disruption of other people’s enjoyment of the trailers.

Instead of the annoying (with a loud soundtrack) ads that run before trailers in other theaters, I’d want my own movie trivia questions (with real trivia, not the crap that passes for trivia in the current pre-movie ads) and maybe a quiet soundtrack. (Maybe some kind of answering mechanism in the seats? Let the audience participate, to see how they did against everyone else in the theater?) This is, after all, the last time they’re permitted to talk until the credits run, so we don’t want to interfere with conversation by overwhelming them with loud commercials.

If you were being selfish and money was truly no object (keeping my ideal theater running, complete with well-paid employees and my dream of being able to throw customers out every single time they annoy me, might get more expensive than I think…), what would you do?