You can purchase Master of Orion 2 directly from Atari as a digital download for only $9.95. At the time of this writing, there’s even a 50% sale, meaning you can get a wonderful old game for a little less than five dollars.

I can’t tell you how badly I want to encourage people to do this. Unfortunately, I can’t actually do it in good conscience, since Atari (and their e-commerce vendor, Digital River) are apparently trying to sell games that are unplayable.

I anticipated problems playing the game – it came out in 1996, after all. It was intended to be played on Windows 95 (they don’t sell the DOS version, as far as I can tell, which means Dosbox won’t work). That’s six versions of Windows ago by my count. People have trouble getting software from Windows XP to run on Windows 7 – I never imagined that getting software intended for Windows 95 to play would be easy.

The problem is, I haven’t gotten that far.

I purchased both Master of Orion 2 and Master of Orion 3^[a]. I received a serial number for Master of Orion 3, but no such luck for Master of Orion 2. I contacted Atari technical support (as the confirmation e-mail from my order told me to do). Then, I waited. And I waited. And I waited.

The response? “Don’t bother us. This is a Digital River issue.”^[b]

So, I contacted Digital River, which led to another awesome round of waiting. Finally, I got an e-mail telling me that my order couldn’t be found, and that I’d need to provide several different pieces of information in order to help them find it before I could get a serial number.

In theory, confirming that I actually bought the game is reasonable, but are there really so many people trying to scam a free serial number for a thirteen year old game that was purchased for five dollars? This really doesn’t serve to combat piracy, it just serves to make reasonable people who actually respect the concepts of intellectual property think seriously about turning to piracy themselves.

In conclusion, I have to recommend that anyone who really feels the need to play Master of Orion II again just hit themselves in the head very hard. If you’re really, really lucky, you might have a dream in which you’re playing the game. At this point, that still puts your chances of being able to play this game again somewhere considerably above mine.

1. That makes the third time I’ve bought MoO3, and it still just isn’t really fun. I keep thinking that, this time, if I am patient with it, I will start enjoying it. It’s not worked yet. [↩]
2. Not a direct quote. [↩]